Strange/funny satire I found online about Love

http://www.uspressnews.com/articles/1172

Love Hewitt Admits to Smile Enlargement Surgery
Ned Koppel
02/09/2004

Actress Jennifer Love Hewitt, best known for her portrayal of "Sarah" on "Party of Five," admitted Monday that she had resorted to smile enlargement surgery in an attempt to improve on her already considerably "perky" image.
Hewitt held a press conference to break the startling news that she suffers from oralimia nervosa, known inside the Hollywood medical establishment as "Joker Envy." The disorder causes its victim to believe that her smile is abnormally small. Victims often express a desire to posess a smile so gapingly huge that they could theoretically consume their own head.

"Love would sit in front of the mirror for hours smiling as big
as she could," said buddy Neve Campbell. "Sometimes, she would achieve what she called 'half-moon.' She would have been at it for like 45 minutes, smiling so big that her nose was running and her eyes were all bloodshot, and she'd look at you triumphantly and say, 'ook! ook! alf oon! alf oon!' It was utterly disturbing."

The daily smile exercise wasn't enough, though, admitted Hewitt, and she subjected herself to surgery. Doctors widened her smile and used nerve-deadening Botox treatments and complicated techniques of facial traction.

"I guess I'm happy with it," beamed Hewitt. "The doctors say I shouldn't have any more smile therapy because I might end up sucking the entire universe into my head with my freakishly large smile, or, at the very least, I might just become a gigantic, oafish grin with boobs and legs. I wouldn't mind that but my agent is warning me against it."

Hewitt said she had also looked into the idea of having little glittery lights installed into her eyeballs, thereby giving her more glow about the eyes and adding to her overall perkiness. Doctors declined to perform the surgery not because of its more generalized dangers, but because her freakishly large yaw of a grin would get in the way of such a procedure.
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LOL,thanks!.

[Trotter]

:D :D :confused:

LOVE YOUNG GIFTED & GORGEOUS

I love JLH -- but I wouldn't be above enjoying a clever, funny, satirical joke that pokes fun at her image, movies, etc.
HOWEVER, that freakishly large smile bit is freakishly inaccurate. She has a great smile, but it's not strangely huge -- compare it to Julia Roberts' smile, or Carly Simon's mouth.
Sorry ... for satire to work, it has to be dead-on -- really nail its target. That bit about her smile was weird, unfunny and way off. [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Hahahahhaha! I was like " WTF?! :eek: "

Originally posted by TrueLuver_13:
Hahahahhaha! I was like " WTF?! :eek: "

Same here. It's so strange it becomes funny. I also like the related article part at the end about J-Lo.