What Would You Have Done?

**MissyO** · 11-08-2007, 06:34 AM

So you see a man lying in the middle of the road, obviously something serious has happened and there are people around him on the phone etc getting help. You stay around in case they need help, for maybe 3 or 4 minutes. During this time you are concerned for the man, and are trying to comfort him from a distance by looking at his face to remind him that people are here and it'll be alright. You think maybe you and he are making eye contact, but can't be sure because you're about 15 metres away from each other and he is grimacing in pain and can barely open his eyes.
Eventually you decided that he is being attended to well enough, and that there's no need to stand around watching anymore, as you hate that ridiculous thing people do where they stand around and pretend like they give a rats all the while just enjoying the fact that there's a stranger in front of them in pain. So you start to walk off. You feel bad for doing it, realizing you are probably the only person around who cares about this dude as anything other than a traffic hazard or exciting part of the day or opportunity to look heroic and caring.
But then, as you are walking away you see his hand open, only slightly he's in considerable pain, and he sort of holds out his hand to you, as you walk he moves it as much as he can to indicate not to leave, to come over to him and stay with him, hold his hand.

Do you do it?

aloha · 11-08-2007, 06:46 AM

oh dear, I don´t know what I would have done

**Jocasta** · 11-08-2007, 07:38 AM

Yes, what do I have to lose and you make the scenario sound so desperate.

Keri · 11-08-2007, 08:15 AM

Are all the people standing around on their mobile phones men? Are there other people passing by or is this a deserted road? I need more info before I can make this decision.

**MissyO** · 11-08-2007, 08:25 AM

The people helping (and on the mobiles etc) are 3 men 1 woman, most work for State Rail, this was outside a train station on an extremely busy road with only 1 lane for traffic either way, at nearly 4 pm. The lane going into the city was blocked as that was where he was.

And yes, this really did happen to me today, this is not a hypothetical.

Keri · 11-08-2007, 08:33 AM

In that case, yes, I would, I think.

I had a similar situation happen very late one night in London. Didn't turn out well, hence my questions.

**MissyO** · 11-08-2007, 08:40 AM

^ Oh crap, I'm sorry to hear that Keri :(

This situation was safe, though, for the onlookers at least. This man was very obviously badly wounded whatever had happened. And no, I don't know what happened, most likely hit by a car or something, but he was virtually paralyzed, and by the end I think he'd stopped breathing properly.

**Jocasta** · 11-08-2007, 10:09 AM

So what did you do, Missy? It sounds terrible.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Keri

I had a similar situation happen very late one night in London. Didn't turn out well, hence my questions.

I only said I'd stay because it seemed like a safe situation, I'm a cynical old so and so, I assume the worst first then try and see the good in people.

Blackmask · 11-08-2007, 03:46 PM

I don't think I would. If there are people around making phone calls etc then first aid and ambulances are on their way. Extra people at a scene often gets in the way of those offering medical assistance. I'd feel like crap for it and wonder whether I should have done something different, but I've been in a situation where a guy had a heart attack and the extra people were more of a hinderence than a help to the first aiders.

**MissyO** · 11-09-2007, 04:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jocasta

So what did you do, Missy? It sounds terrible.

Nothing. I kept on walking. Now it feels like we're kinda linked at the damn soul. I can't get the image out of my mind.

11-09-2007, 07:58 AM

I've mentioned this once before here. Sept 11, 2001, in the afternoon, similar situation. The man who ran a shop next door to the laundromat was stabbed. He may have crawled out of his shop, I saw him when I was leaving and putting my bags in the car. People came to his aid, much like what Missy described. All anyone could do is put pressure on the wound, it was on his right side near his kidney. I took out my all my bath towels to help cover the wound. All the man said was "Oh God... oh God..." I flagged down the paramedic to our location. By then we had to leave him so they can work on him. They tried to resuscitate him but he died.

It's difficult to see someone die that way. We stayed until 1am, saw his spouse arrive and her reaction. She dropped to her knees and cried.

Quote:

Do you do it?

Of course. In situations like those, for me at least, I don't think twice about it. I don't think about myself, I don't think about where I need to be or what I'm going to be late for. I think to myself "if he dies in any moment, he shouldn't die alone", especially when going thru that pain. No matter who you are or what you've done.

Flight reaction is normal. You didn't do anything wrong, baby.

**MissyO** · 11-09-2007, 08:02 AM

^ Thanks Phoenix. It friggin feels like I did, though. But God alone knows.

11-09-2007, 08:23 AM

Trust me, He's not holding it against you.
That feeling you have is internal.

And I'm saying this in the most benevolent way possible: Just let go. The looping in your mind, the pain it carries, it hurts you but it doesn't help him, doesn't do him any good. You have to let it through, not keep it in you. Carrying it and continuing to suffer about it only paralyzes you.

Don't stop, just keep going. It's OK to let it go and let it become a mere memory.

**MissyO** · 11-09-2007, 08:46 AM

^ I'm trying, bud. Its just hard because of a whole heap of shlt going on, and this just went and gave it the cherry on top. Also, there was this bizarre, freaky thing about how I got to where it was at the time. It was almost like fate gone awry.

**Jocasta** · 11-09-2007, 08:53 AM

Phoenix is right, move on and don't feel it was destiny or fate. It was a series of coincidences that brought you there. That coupled with your understandable feelings right now obviously make that hard to accept but don't be so hard on yourself.

**MissyO** · 11-09-2007, 08:56 AM

^Thanks Jo. I know it logically, its just gonna take some time to process emotionally.

11-09-2007, 09:01 AM

Would it help to remind you that I'm still a virgin? ... and what you told me after you found that out?

**MissyO** · 11-09-2007, 09:02 AM

^ Hahaha..... Love you Phoenix. You're the best.

See, I can't be all that bad, eh?!

Blackmask · 11-09-2007, 10:56 AM

Quote:

I kept on walking. Now it feels like we're kinda linked at the damn soul. I can't get the image out of my mind.

No you didn't. You looked into his eyes and he knew someone was there who gave a damn. What came after won't matter nearly as much as the moment he knew someone saw him as a person and not a sight seeing event.

11-08-2007, 06:34 AM	#1 (permalink)
MissyO Perennially Disgruntled Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Sydney Posts: 4,106 My Profile	What Would You Have Done? So you see a man lying in the middle of the road, obviously something serious has happened and there are people around him on the phone etc getting help. You stay around in case they need help, for maybe 3 or 4 minutes. During this time you are concerned for the man, and are trying to comfort him from a distance by looking at his face to remind him that people are here and it'll be alright. You think maybe you and he are making eye contact, but can't be sure because you're about 15 metres away from each other and he is grimacing in pain and can barely open his eyes. Eventually you decided that he is being attended to well enough, and that there's no need to stand around watching anymore, as you hate that ridiculous thing people do where they stand around and pretend like they give a rats all the while just enjoying the fact that there's a stranger in front of them in pain. So you start to walk off. You feel bad for doing it, realizing you are probably the only person around who cares about this dude as anything other than a traffic hazard or exciting part of the day or opportunity to look heroic and caring. But then, as you are walking away you see his hand open, only slightly he's in considerable pain, and he sort of holds out his hand to you, as you walk he moves it as much as he can to indicate not to leave, to come over to him and stay with him, hold his hand. Do you do it?

11-08-2007, 08:25 AM	#5 (permalink)
MissyO Perennially Disgruntled Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Sydney Posts: 4,106 My Profile	The people helping (and on the mobiles etc) are 3 men 1 woman, most work for State Rail, this was outside a train station on an extremely busy road with only 1 lane for traffic either way, at nearly 4 pm. The lane going into the city was blocked as that was where he was. And yes, this really did happen to me today, this is not a hypothetical. Last edited by MissyO : 11-08-2007 at 08:26 AM.

11-09-2007, 08:23 AM	#13 (permalink)
Avis Phlox Posts: n/a	Trust me, He's not holding it against you. That feeling you have is internal. And I'm saying this in the most benevolent way possible: Just let go. The looping in your mind, the pain it carries, it hurts you but it doesn't help him, doesn't do him any good. You have to let it through, not keep it in you. Carrying it and continuing to suffer about it only paralyzes you. Don't stop, just keep going. It's OK to let it go and let it become a mere memory. Last edited by Avis Phlox : 11-09-2007 at 08:25 AM.

11-09-2007, 08:46 AM	#14 (permalink)
MissyO Perennially Disgruntled Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Sydney Posts: 4,106 My Profile	^ I'm trying, bud. Its just hard because of a whole heap of shlt going on, and this just went and gave it the cherry on top. Also, there was this bizarre, freaky thing about how I got to where it was at the time. It was almost like fate gone awry. Last edited by MissyO : 11-09-2007 at 08:48 AM.

11-09-2007, 09:02 AM	#18 (permalink)
MissyO Perennially Disgruntled Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Sydney Posts: 4,106 My Profile	^ Hahaha..... Love you Phoenix. You're the best. See, I can't be all that bad, eh?! Last edited by MissyO : 11-09-2007 at 09:04 AM.

11-08-2007, 06:46 AM	#2 (permalink)
aloha 30 Days of Josh Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Germany Posts: 17,919 My Profile	oh dear, I don´t know what I would have done

11-08-2007, 07:38 AM	#3 (permalink)
Jocasta Joshtopian Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Shaftesbury Avenue Posts: 17,791 My Profile	Yes, what do I have to lose and you make the scenario sound so desperate.

11-08-2007, 08:15 AM	#4 (permalink)
Keri Kiss My Pom Poms Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: UK Posts: 4,018 My Profile	Are all the people standing around on their mobile phones men? Are there other people passing by or is this a deserted road? I need more info before I can make this decision.

11-08-2007, 08:33 AM	#6 (permalink)
Keri Kiss My Pom Poms Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: UK Posts: 4,018 My Profile	In that case, yes, I would, I think. I had a similar situation happen very late one night in London. Didn't turn out well, hence my questions.

11-08-2007, 08:40 AM	#7 (permalink)
MissyO Perennially Disgruntled Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Sydney Posts: 4,106 My Profile	^ Oh crap, I'm sorry to hear that Keri :( This situation was safe, though, for the onlookers at least. This man was very obviously badly wounded whatever had happened. And no, I don't know what happened, most likely hit by a car or something, but he was virtually paralyzed, and by the end I think he'd stopped breathing properly.

11-08-2007, 03:46 PM	#9 (permalink)
Blackmask Protector of Inanity Join Date: May 2002 Location: Australia Posts: 6,158 My Profile	I don't think I would. If there are people around making phone calls etc then first aid and ambulances are on their way. Extra people at a scene often gets in the way of those offering medical assistance. I'd feel like crap for it and wonder whether I should have done something different, but I've been in a situation where a guy had a heart attack and the extra people were more of a hinderence than a help to the first aiders.

11-09-2007, 08:02 AM	#12 (permalink)
MissyO Perennially Disgruntled Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Sydney Posts: 4,106 My Profile	^ Thanks Phoenix. It friggin feels like I did, though. But God alone knows.

11-09-2007, 08:53 AM	#15 (permalink)
Jocasta Joshtopian Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Shaftesbury Avenue Posts: 17,791 My Profile	Phoenix is right, move on and don't feel it was destiny or fate. It was a series of coincidences that brought you there. That coupled with your understandable feelings right now obviously make that hard to accept but don't be so hard on yourself.

11-09-2007, 08:56 AM	#16 (permalink)
MissyO Perennially Disgruntled Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Sydney Posts: 4,106 My Profile	^Thanks Jo. I know it logically, its just gonna take some time to process emotionally.

11-09-2007, 09:01 AM	#17 (permalink)
Avis Phlox Posts: n/a	Would it help to remind you that I'm still a virgin? ... and what you told me after you found that out?

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