I may be dieing

[Scotty]

As you know I a Bipolar, what you may not know is that I am diagnosed as ultraradian, possibly dysphoric manic with psychosis. I am treatment refractory meaning I can't be treated.

I feel sick to my gut! I Tried CCB's Verapamil and had some hope augmenting this treatment with another drug called Depakote. Things where looking good for the first time in 18 years, yet I get a rash. I figure wrongly that it was due to the drugs and set out on a suicide mission, who would have thought that it would lead to my demise.

I get with a hooker, can hardly get it up and give up after a few secs. I hired her for the whole night so take advantage of the bed and do nothing with her more.

Problem is, after 4 or so days I see my mental illness get worse, this is not meant to happen, I get all the ARS symptoms including rash on the feet which is peculiar to this disease.

Now, as I feel myself slipping back I feel like suicide is the only option, HIV I can deal with, Serious mental illness I ca n't.

I regret that I will hurt people in thi passing but there is no other option. I have the Barbs and anti-emetics needed plus other drugs to be sure but really would you want to you live if you could never read, never watch the tele, never do anything but listen to you own thoughts + see your heart beat and feel so stressed that your entire body was constantly frozen solid?

No One has any idea of what I am going through, the flashbacks every two minutes don't help neither.

God is a piece of **** who wants some t suffer and does his best to make sure we do.

[Val]

Probably Phobos has some Phobia to cure you.
Ask him.

[FireBird]

Scotty,

Please forgive Val for his mental retardation. I'm sure his nurse puts that sandpaper-like creme on his hands so he doesn't rub one out in public.

I am so very sorry you're going thru this. You're right, I have no idea what you're going thru, but I can only imagine how its like to lead to your decision. Although none of us can probably stop you, I will plead that you reconsider. If you are serious about suicide, they do morphine drips for terminal patients. I'm in no way advocating that you go thru with it, but I wish you less pain with what ever you decide.

And although you may or may not believe in God, I can assure you He believes in you. But leave that to me. When you figure out the truth, you will rest and you will be free, I promise.

I consider you a friend, and this brings me great concern.

I wish you well.



//.Angel

[FireBird]

I hope that hooker was a knockout babe.

Wait, what about alternative medicines, or Mexico? People go there for treatment and some claim cureness of cancer. I know yours isn't cancer but surely they must have something for what ails you.

Pharmas usually tend to make things worse. Alternative medicines perhaps could be an option. At least consider that!

[Bill5461]

Originally Posted by Val

Probably Phobos has some Phobia to cure you.
Ask him.

This was like, I changed the channel from Sci-Fi and found Comedy Central

[Blackmask]

My thoughts are with you Scotty.

You've been through hard things before, give the fog some time to clear before making any big decisions and you will get through this as well.

[Scotty]

Val

Probably Phobos has some Phobia to cure you.
Ask him.

You cured me already thank you pal!

FireBird

Scotty,

Please forgive Val for his mental retardation. I'm sure his nurse puts that sandpaper-like creme on his hands so he doesn't rub one out in public.

I am so very sorry you're going thru this. You're right, I have no idea what you're going thru, but I can only imagine how its like to lead to your decision. Although none of us can probably stop you, I will plead that you reconsider. If you are serious about suicide, they do morphine drips for terminal patients. I'm in no way advocating that you go thru with it, but I wish you less pain with what ever you decide.

And although you may or may not believe in God, I can assure you He believes in you. But leave that to me. When you figure out the truth, you will rest and you will be free, I promise.

I consider you a friend, and this brings me great concern.

I wish you well.

Val I never really take seriously so forget about it.

The morphine drip is a myth, I have had to research death and came across, several times the fact that people with terminal illness are not treated properly. This is western countries. My Gran who had a second stroke was near death with days to live, my mum went out to her and stayed with her till she died, out there in the end foir over one month and they still didn't administer any morphine till the second week which was on and off.

There are perhaps as high as 70% of cancer patients in the US whom do not get adequate pain relief. In Germany it's higher and for some reason lower in the UK but still high.

I have no hope of morphine as I am not yet in physical pain besides the little slip I had last night, the meds don't work, there are none left to try even though I go private and my condition is getting worse....suddenly I am allergic to coffee after years of takign it, kinda funny waking up to eyes twice the size and a rash that can't be explained.

till, I guess, better than being allergic to the drugs I take for the Bipolar.

As I spent so much time on here over the years I wanted you all to know why and what hapened if I suddenly stop posting. I car about you all but thing are coming to a head and I can't deal with it. I have the means for a 100% chance and will take it when things get too bad, maybe if I am lucky they won't but I doubt it.

I consider you a friend too, you are one of the few people on here that I do and have done over the years. I say I am Agnostic but I guess I am really bordering on beleif and I do this because it's easier to hate this way....if you get what I mean.

I despise what has happened and to be this close to normality, possibly a cure then this I find it hard not to believe that devine intervention hasn't played a part in cuing my fate.

FireBird

I hope that hooker was a knockout babe.

Wait, what about alternative medicines, or Mexico? People go there for treatment and some claim cureness of cancer. I know yours isn't cancer but surely they must have something for what ails you.

Pharmas usually tend to make things worse. Alternative medicines perhaps could be an option. At least consider that!

Lol...yah dude, she was a knockout, a stunner, could not fault her. If I get better long enough I will be visiting her and telling her what she has to look forward to, it is vindictive but I am so pissed off. Also, it may make her change her ways though I doubt it. ****, I'd buy her a jack load of condoms to stop her infecting anyone else but she is a real pieace of work from the talk we had.

Mexico? Nah, people with HIV go to Mexico to get corrective surgery done for their faces, not for some alt treatment to HAART.

There is a doc here who claims to havfe cured HIV, he took about 50 volunteers and put them on things like lemon juice, after so many weeks he tested them....problem was the patient paid and here it's more than they can afford so only 15 could pay, he BS'd about the results and everyone died.

That is Ayurveda, an alt treatment, at the end of the day ONLY HAART works. But it is full of complications.

Bill5461

This was like, I changed the channel from Sci-Fi and found Comedy Central

Would you expect less from Val? I love the guy but at the age of 30+ he needs to sort himself out.

Blackmask

My thoughts are with you Scotty.

You've been through hard things before, give the fog some time to clear before making any big decisions and you will get through this as well.

Thanks BM, I always respected and apreciated your opinions but I don't think I'll be making it out of this. As my mental health declines so will everything else.

[Moshe..]

You don't have aids. Female to male aids unprotected transmission chances are a lot less than one in a thousand per ride. So, even if 1 in 10 prostitutes had aids (and it's only that high amongst junkies), you'd, on average, have to sleep with over ten thousand different junkie prostitutes to catch it

Everyone's going to die, so you might as well wait it out like a normal person, especially as time accelerates with age. And severe mental illnesses almost always retreat after sixty

Even if you are v bored or stressed out now, it's unlikely that killing yourself will make you feel any better. If your soul weighs more than a feather then horus won’t open the door to the land of the dead. The buddha says you'll be re-incarnated with something at least bad as down's syndrome. Or you'll live the same life over and over again like a german philosopher once said. The jews argue that you destroy a whole universe every time you kill yourself. A whole universe. Something interesting might happen next week, or in a few weeks which you'll miss out on. You don’t want to miss a rainbow

listen to the music

[FireBird]

Moshe always puts things into perpective, I've been waiting for your post.

Pocahantas was smoking hot.

[Jocasta]

Scotty, please stop before you do anything, no matter how utterly crap things are right now there has to be a reason to hang on. If there's just one person you can talk to search them out, give them the chance to help.
I hope that chance does come but if not... hugs to you.

[Spin Teacher]

Scotty: Frankly I've never had a problem with you here, and I actually enjoy your personality most of the time. (as much that can come across in an online forum at least)

But my opinion of suicide is this:

If you do it, the world is better off without you. If you're gonna try, do it right so that you don't bother people with the topic more then once. Whatever you decide, good luck either way.

[FireBird]

Originally Posted by Spin Teacher

But my opinion of suicide is this:

If you do it, the world is better off without you.

You're just oozing with compassion, aren't you?

do it right so that you don't bother people with the topic more then once.

Being a "man of faith" outside the grips of organized religion and having unique privileges that you can't possibly comprehend, I can say with outmost certainty that your pride would make baby Jesus cry.

It astonishes me when I see (or read) how people react to negative feelings, always wanting a good time and never allowing a bad time to take it's course. When someone grieves, they can't handle it. When someone's depressed they say "don't be a downer". I, on the other hand, instead of discouraging a bad feeling, I encourage it to take place because in the words of Alan Watts "for every outside there's an inside. And for every inside there's an outside", you can't have one without the other.

I don't mind being bothered by someone who's reaching out no matter how many times they do so. Why? It's my nature. I wise man once said:

"It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance."

And I take my nature of being very seriously. My nature is the same as my name. An upgrade to that name, "arch" in front of it, and I would so love to make your kidney stones sharper if not bigger, Spin.
A toast for another barrage of calcium thru your scrotum. Prick.

[Camino]

Scotty, I don't know you & you don't know me, but remember you are LOVED, even if you don't always feel it!...
May you find the Strength & Guidance to make it through this difficult time in your life! My prayers are with you!

[Spin Teacher]

I don't mind being bothered by someone who's reaching out no matter how many times they do so. Why?

I didn't mean to imply that the topic bothers me or anyone here. If he does attempt suicide I should hope he does it right for his family & friends sake. If he's stupid enough to try killing himself, it'll be horrilbe for his family. Then if he fails, and eventually tries again, his family goes through hell all over again. If he gets it right the first time, at least his family only has to go through this crap once.

I don't have compassion for anyone who tries to kill themselves, you're right. I do however feel compassion for his family & close friends.

[Samson The Cat]

This is all too depressing. I don't know what to say.

[Plastic Flute]

I think Nix is Quad Polar. And while we are on the Polar kick. I say Kill all the Polar Bears and rid the world of Global warming. Im not depressed this chit is funny.
Scotty you need to reclaim the status of your stolen mugs.

[Plastic Flute]

William you mean Bridezilla.


If you kill yourself you go to hell. Not even limbo. GOD gave you life he sees fit when he calls you. If you phuck up an kill yourself ...Well you are going down.

[MSFixR]

Originally Posted by Plastic Flute

If you kill yourself you go to hell. Not even limbo. GOD gave you life he sees fit when he calls you. If you phuck up an kill yourself ...Well you are going down.

Oh BS. You had no control over the circumstances of your birth, but you certainly have control over the circumstances and timing of your death.

[Bill5461]

You spelled Dying wrong

[Val]

Originally Posted by Scotty

Val
You cured me already thank you pal!

I never really take seriously so forget about it.

I know man ... no worries!
I was just pissing you off, that's it!
You always have fun with my posts here on the forum and I know you laughed with what I wrote. Laughter is the best medicine, isn't it?

I know you like me Scotty.
We had good times here on whatever and on Exbs.
So, don't put yourself down man! The tomorrow is always a day better than today. I'm sure you will find a way to jump your bad phase.
Trust me.