Your girl as a secret

[Jim Halpert]

Saw this on a tv show.

How would you react if your girlfriend tells you that she is a call girl?

Would your reaction be different if she used to be one?

[Samson The Cat]

How would you react if your girlfriend tells you that she is a call girl?

I'd end the relationship immediately.

Would your reaction be different if she used to be one?

I'd end the relationship immediately.

I cannot say if I would find the right words to reason why it possible couldn't work out. Anyway, this doesn't sound like a probable scenario happening to me.

[Bill5461]

It would depend on where she used to "work"

[JenniferNoble]

Samson im a little disappointed, must say. Dont you think its kind of shallow to dump her just because she USED to have such a lifestyle? Or are we still troubling over the big experience issue?

if he (in my case) would be a ghehe callboy id have my doubts, yes. but used to...hey, people change! everyone deserves a second chance!

[Samson The Cat]

Dont you think its kind of shallow to dump her just because she USED to have such a lifestyle?

Well. Don't get me wrong. I know prostitutes do a valuable job in our society. My reaction doesn't mean I think low of the in general. I just couldn't think it would work out. I just couldn't love her. Staying in such a relationship then would only hurt both parties.

Or are we still troubling over the big experience issue?

I'm afraid it has to do with that. It is likely that a prostitute sees sex as from a different perspective as I do. For one who has regularly sex - or even on a professional level with no feelings of love attached - sex cannot mean the same it does to someone who doesn't.

[Jim Halpert]

Originally Posted by Sammy

I'd end the relationship immediately.

Wow, on both counts. Well, from what I've been told about you, and what I've read from you, it doesn't come as a surprise.

Originally Posted by Sammy

Anyway, this doesn't sound like a probable scenario happening to me.

How do you figure? Because you wouldn't hang around where you're likely to meet a prostitute? You'd be surprised how many highly-educated women who are leading a double life. From the Ivy-league graduate, lawyers, to the successful business woman, looks can be deceiving. Not all prostitutes look like cheap drag queens.

Originally Posted by Billy

It would depend on where she used to "work"

High-priced prostitutes often go to client's homes or even place of business, the weekend condo, etc. There's no set place like the cheap downtown hookers who have a corner on the street. Call girls are either represented by an agent (not a pimp, although they take away just as much like one) or they fly solo; those are the priciest.

Originally Posted by Sammy

For one who has regularly sex - or even on a professional level with no feelings of love attached - sex cannot mean the same it does to someone who doesn't.

That didn't make any sense to me.

If I were in that situation, if she were to reveal that she was a call girl, it would bother me, but I wouldn't be so quick to be so judgmental.
If she used to be one, I don't think it would bother me at all. Like miss Noble said, everyone deserves a chance. But one chance only. No second chances. That's the kind of man I am.

Sam, how about if I change it a bit for you:

What if she was a stripper? Takes off her clothes for a living.
What if she used to be a stripper?

[Bill5461]

Originally Posted by Jimbo

High-priced prostitutes often go to client's homes or even place of business, the weekend condo, etc. There's no set place like the cheap downtown hookers who have a corner on the street. Call girls are either represented by an agent (not a pimp, although they take away just as much like one) or they fly solo; those are the priciest.

When I said "where" she used to work, I meant more like....3000 miles away, as compared to the same city I live in now (where former customers would still be living etc)

[Samson The Cat]

Originally Posted by Jim Halpert

How do you figure? Because you wouldn't hang around where you're likely to meet a prostitute?

I neither hang around with Ivy-league graduates, lawyers nor drag queens look alikes.

Originally Posted by Jim Halpert

That didn't make any sense to me.

It's not my fault you don't understand it. But there is truth to the saying "Sex is like air. It's not a big deal unless you're not getting any." I need sex to be special and I need this to be true for a potential partner. Other people be free to look at the issue differently. My view could possible change over time after quite some experience, but not now at the beginning.

Originally Posted by Jim Halpert

If she used to be one, I don't think it would bother me at all.

Lucky you, I guess. It would bother me however. It would not be tempting for me to court a woman to have my first time with, that had tons of other guys. I would be appalled. We couldn't be compatible and I couldn't possibly be happy with her. So how would she be happy with me then?

Originally Posted by Jim Halpert

wouldn't be so quick to be so judgmental.

I am not. This isn't about being judgmental or second chances. The question was how would the reader of your question react, not how would the reader want to see everyone else react. I stated the reason for my decision would be that a relationship cannot be good for either partner, when one hates to be in the relationship with the other - unless there's something really wrong.

I'd feel it's not worth it. If hundreds of guys she knew for a couple of minutes got for petty cash, why should I put in actual effort? You stress the "used to be" so much. What do you want me to say? "We live in the present so let's forget about past and future, as they cannot be changed, respectively predicted?" Should I use her as practise girl and say "Who cares if she had so many guys before me that didn't mean anything to her, I will have girls after her. And someday, when I will find the right one, the others before that future one won't mean anything to me as well"? Sorry, I couldn't pull that off as it would be self-deception. After all a steady relationship - and not an affair - is what I'm looking for now as well, and it would bother me to having this one with someone of said past.

Originally Posted by Jim Halpert

What if she was a stripper? Takes off her clothes for a living. What if she used to be a stripper?

I'd overthink it more, but still lean towards that it would be best to end the relationship. Again this is a very unlikely scenario, believe me.

[Frasier]

I'm afraid it has to do with that. It is likely that a prostitute sees sex as from a different perspective as I do. For one who has regularly sex - or even on a professional level with no feelings of love attached - sex cannot mean the same it does to someone who doesn't.

You are idealising sex too much...

Two pictures... just think about it.




If you even judge your girlsfrieds by what they have done in the past... you can forget them all.

[Samson The Cat]

Originally Posted by Frasier

This is a good example for something tragicomical.

[Captain Beefheart]

This has to be one of the most humanizing threads ever, I am enjoying it.

And you know Samson always reminded me of like the kid in the locker room in 8th grade that got to third base with the head cheerleader. The rest of us Kevin Arnolds stand there in awe as he tells his story, and we think to ourselves "Wow. What a guy, and he didn't even score".

Fo being a virgin he's got the whole sex thing on lockdown. Sex is a dance, you have to pick up your partners vibe and go with it, sense what he/she wants and play off it, it's an exchange. You are making someone else feel the epitome of pleasure by making yourself feel the epitome of pleasure, that's beautiful. It's a perfect system. and if you're going to do it right you need to know your partner.

[Jim Halpert]

This has to be one of the most humanizing threads ever, I am enjoying it.

I do what I can to please my hos.

LOL!

I need sex to be special and I need this to be true for a potential partner.

This can be read two ways. I know what you meant, but it can be interpreted as:

"I need sex to be special because nothing else makes me special."

Fo being a virgin he's got the whole sex thing on lockdown.

Why am I reminded of Buffalo Bob? (yes, I meant Bob, not Bill.)


It makes the sex special, or else it gets kicked off my bed.

How can you know if it'll be true for your partner? Are you going to interrogate her first? Interview? Take a survey? I don't think sex is something you plan, Sammy. It's a moment-thing, actually. You and your theoretical partner may have all these feelings between you and her, but at the moment of intimacy, things can either go well, or limp.

Don't make yourself the illusion that when it happens it'll be a magick moment. You'll be setting yourself up for disappointment if you, her, or none felt it was "special."

Spoiler Alert! Kevin Arnold's dad dies, and Kevin Arnold and Winnie Cooper never hook up. They both marry different people, which in the end made me feel cheated.
All that effort for what? For what, CB?!

[Samson The Cat]

Argh! I don't like having to explain myself over and over. But here we go again. Oh, and although I quoted CB, this is mainly for you, Jim.

And you know Samson always reminded me of like the kid in the locker room in 8th grade that got to third base with the head cheerleader.

Not quite. Picture me of one of the ... well, Kevin Arnolds, if you will. Or better someone who once was quite normal (that's less cliché and closer to the truth). Someone who was slightly jealous of the early starters. If you haven't been an early-starter, you might remember that feeling, unless you successfully supressed it. Try to remember it.
Now picture an alternative present, in which you never found a girl to love you. Think that 13 years after 8th grade things would still be the same for you, only that now you're the only Kevin Arnold left. Your situation didn't change, except that now it cannot be described as normal anymore. You're the one left over - only on that particular issue, though. What makes you bitter is not the sorrow over a decade of sexually activity missed, but that when you try to look at things rationally, you find no reason to believe that your state will ever change. You start to go crazy. At night you lay in your bed and weird thoughts come into your mind, you actually wonder if sex is a myth. Tell me you could be cool about it.

third base

To lapse into that terrible baseball slang that is even more cliché than Kevin Arnold, I tell you, I want to go through these bases. *shudders over the slang like Stewie did, when Peter gave him his breast* I don't want to be deprived of these experiences. What I don't need here is some ex-prostitute who's like "Let's get over it for Christ's sake, I don't want to miss (insert stereotype TV show here)". I need someone who can relate to me and that is likely someone who is similar. Besides, I probably couldn't relate to the worries of an ex-callgirl. I'm almost sure you would think the same way, if you were, where I am now. I certainly wouldn't make such a fuss about the whole topic, if my sexual experience wasn't stuck in my teenage years. I'd sure be worried about other things like getting married, having kids, building a house, retirement provision and so on.

I'm too lazy to proofread. If you find mistakes, keep them.

[Captain Beefheart]

Im hoping this forum is within Rebelman's jurisdiction and Halpert is severely warned for giving such a big spoiler away!

Samson you're Max in Pi(Aronofsky), that's probably the best metaphor I can find and no i'm not saying you're going to end up going for a lobotomy with a drill in which all your repressed sexual thoughts are gone away...

What I mean is you're torturing yourself way too much and overanalyzing such a simple human action. Rationalizing it which is even worse unless you're from Freud's school of thought. You know what I do when I see a pube on a bar of soap? I pull it off. And I run said bar of soap under the water for a second, and I proceed to clean myself with it. I use Apricot scrub when I beat off in the shower. It's painful but my penis is well exfoliated. And that's that, I don't rationalize it, because there's no point in doing so.

Point being, consider a painter who limits his or her pallette. Or a musician who predetermines key signature or sound textures. By limiting your options you're not really going to achieve anything.

Imagine when you actually get to the part where you're actually going to have sex you'll probably rationalize the dichotomy that's present in oral sex(giving/receiving), and also the dichotomy that is present within the harmon/disharmony of two people who try and match rhythms, movements and intensity etc.

[Gumby]

Personally, I would not enter a relationship with a current or ex call girl, stripper, or party girl who wants to settle down and have kids. I'd bang her good, and I may even be a gentleman and call her a cab and walk her to the door, but I'd never let emotions get involved.

To me, love and relationships are based on respect, and I can't respect someone who does that.

[Samson The Cat]

Originally Posted by Captain Beefheart

Samson you're Max in Pi(Aronofsky), that's probably the best metaphor I can find

That shows that you actually interpret what I wrote. I like that.

Originally Posted by Captain Beefheart

Imagine when you actually get to the part where you're actually going to have sex

We both know this probably will never happen. I don't want to invest more, as I don't want to face defeat again. (I would have liked to use the term "learned helplessness" somewhere here, but decided it sounds so much like selfpity.)

Originally Posted by Captain Beefheart

What I mean is you're torturing yourself way too much and overanalyzing such a simple human action. Rationalizing it which is even worse

I often heard that identifying the problems is the first step to solve them. But I didn't get anywhere from that first step. You're right, analyzing only makes me depressed. I already spent, well wasted, too much brain power on that.

Yet one thing I might add. My previous post does not mirror what I think of all day. Luckily these thoughts are not constantly with me. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to get anywhere in at least some other aspects of life.

Originally Posted by Gumby

To me, love and relationships are based on respect, and I can't respect someone who does that.

Same here. (Why couldn't I have come up with a sentence like that? I would have spared me baring my soul)

[Jim Halpert]

Originally Posted by Gumby

Personally, I would not enter a relationship with a current or ex call girl, stripper, or party girl who wants to settle down and have kids. I'd bang her good, and I may even be a gentleman and call her a cab and walk her to the door, but I'd never let emotions get involved.

To me, love and relationships are based on respect, and I can't respect someone who does that.

You'd bang her good, and not let emotions get involved. Sounds a lot like the traits of a prostitute. So you're a hypocrite. You wouldn't enter into a relationship with an ex-call girl, yet you're a whore. So by your logic, you don't respect yourself either. You think the difference between yourself and a prostitute is the money? Wrong. The money's the perk of the deal. The difference is that you lie to yourself about your whorish ways while runnin' off at the mouth about "respect". Real talk.

Originally Posted by CB

and Halpert is severely warned for giving such a big spoiler away!

oops.

[Gumby]

All I can say is "hooray for double standards!" This is one of the few where the guy gets the good end of the deal, so stop trying to screw things up for the rest of us. It's just one of those differences in perception that plague men and women. Men don't want a woman that's too "experienced," while women don't want a man that isn't experienced enough.

So treating trashy girls the way they're meant to be treated makes everybody happy

Personally, I'd rather spend more energy looking for a good woman than a random piece of ass. The only problem is the good women are very few and far between, and if you're over 25, you're dealing with a lot of leftovers from Girls Gone Wild and single mothers. At least in my area. It sucks.

[Dark Dude]

Ive actually know a couple of call-girls, its a regular and honest job, outside of the white lies you have to tell. its a living, ya know. Most dudes just want attention, and theyre usually the nice rich guy lonely types that call in. btw, most of the girls werent really on the skinny side, fat chicks are cool...as friends.

[wannabe]

I saw that show, and I remember thinking he should at least give her a chance to change her ways.

I would have a lot of questions, and I would need a lot of assuring that she actually loved me, and would give up the job (or DID give it up), and then it would all depend on how I felt about her. Do I love her? Do I trust her? Did she tell me or did I stumble on it? Do I believe she loves me (and no one else)? It would at the very least take time to come to grips with it, and it all hinges on whether I believe she should be "forgiven" (not the right word, but it'll have to do). The possibility exists, but it depends on a lot.