Second name and marriage

[Scotty]

Just reading some thread on another forum about some guy who's girlfriend has stated she won't take his second name at marriage due to it being sexist. Now one might agree with the way he frazed it as another post did and thought his second name was "wifebeater" but no, she just doesn't like the tradition of a woman taking the guys second name.

Should the guy also dispense with tradition and not buy her an expensive ring? Pull a ring off a can of coke and propose to her with that?

Personally I don't care wether we use mine or hers, hyphenate the two names, I really don't care but calling it sexist?

Guy needs to smack that *****!

[Jocasta]

Guy needs to smack that *****

Yes, that's always the best way to settle relationship differences.

Pity the guy isn't as liberal as you, Scotty. I wouldn't call it sexiest just a tradition of a patriarchal society. Better to talk it over, like you said there are options.

[Scotty]

Originally Posted by Jocasta

Yes, that's always the best way to settle relationship differences.

Pity the guy isn't as liberal as you, Scotty. I wouldn't call it sexiest just a tradition of a patriarchal society. Better to talk it over, like you said there are options.

I have no clue to this day why people give a **** about their second name. I really have no problem if my wife wants me to take hers. It's just a name.

[Jocasta]

It never occurred to me not to take my husband's name, I guess that's what love does to you. And of course it means we (as a family) all have the same name, so now that's the name that means something to me.

[Scotty]

Originally Posted by Jocasta

It never occurred to me not to take my husband's name, I guess that's what love does to you. And of course it means we (as a family) all have the same name, so now that's the name that means something to me.

It's cool people want to do that, I just never got it myself. When I do marry the girls more than welcome to keep her name, might even have established herself in her chosen career and her name means something.

Hmm...guess then the only reason I'd want my name to stay is if it was established through work. Otherwise she can do what she wants. Not gonna be a ***** in the relationship, just reasonable.

[aloha]

well, maybe I´m too traditional, but in my opinion, if you marry and don´t share the same name afterwards, if hers or his doesn´t matter, but if you don´t wanna share the same name, why do you marry then? just to wear a ring?
well to me marriage means to share the same name, either his or hers and combine them to a double name. otherwise you don´t have to marry. IMO
and for that it doesn´t matter if you are a private person or a celebrity.

[edawg99]

Originally Posted by aloha

well, maybe I´m too traditional, but in my opinion, if you marry and don´t share the same name afterwards, if hers or his doesn´t matter, but if you don´t wanna share the same name, why do you marry then? just to wear a ring?
well to me marriage means to share the same name, either his or hers and combine them to a double name. otherwise you don´t have to marry. IMO
and for that it doesn´t matter if you are a private person or a celebrity.

I totally agree with you here, I'm traditional aswell.

[aloha]

I´m not surprised

[darko.]

I don't need any flack. take my name and shut your mouth.

[Jocasta]

^Don't worry about it.

[Dark Dude]

fine, she doesnt like the "tradition", I guess I wont feed her, clothe her, please her, tell her "I love you" and you can damn well forget about the ring you feminist ****, do women only play the "girl" role when it suits them? oh shell be a "girl/woman" when he busts out the diamond ring and she wont complain about it. this is stupid. Im all for equality but some bitches need to learn some manners.

[Captain Beefheart]

I'm already married...to the game.

And that game is connect four. I'm forever binded with my craft; a solemn pact I've made in my path. I will run you in connect four fools!

But really what's in a name anyways. Unless you can trace your family back to England or France specifically, what good is nitpicking? Boo @ people who care about their lineage.

[Jocasta]

Unless you can trace your family back to England

Hey, guess what. I can do that.

[Captain Beefheart]

Yes but you bare the name of the most famous modern fictional wizard apart from Merlin. Mrs.Pottaaaaaaaa. My guess you could probably find sum relative across Derbyshire
that sleepwalks till 8am every night talking to people on vampirefreaks.com and rapping on MSN chats about super scientifical, nu-next level lyrical Grandwizard Masonic Miracle type s!hit.

I am interested in my family history too, up to a certain point. Like I said last time this came up. I do not care one bit about anything as far back as 3 generations, and I REALLY do not care if any family member of mine might have had some important position 200 years ago. What I really hate are the people who have their familytree on the mantlepiece with some fake-ass family crest. I think it's pretentious, annoying and offensive to base your own importance on the status of your ancestors. It's what kings used to keep track of their property to keep the little people down. F!uck that. All this genealogy stuff comes from middleclass people aspiring to be important upperclass royalty.

[Moshe..]

We used have a half-decent politics board where people at least made an attempt to construct intelligent arguments (although they rarely succeeded), and express themselves in well-formed sentences. If you can give me a decent argument for why somebody else has to take your name, and why it couldn’t just as well be the other way, then maybe I’ll listen to your opinion, but otherwise - what is the point.

There’s a nice aesthetic argument. Whoever has the more aesthetically pleasing name wins. It'll make the world a more euphonious place. Now try and beat that reasoning - it's not going to happen.

Originally Posted by Dark Dude

fine, she doesnt like the "tradition", I guess I wont feed her, clothe her, please her, tell her "I love you" and you can damn well forget about the ring you feminist ****, do women only play the "girl" role when it suits them? oh shell be a "girl/woman" when he busts out the diamond ring and she wont complain about it. this is stupid. Im all for equality but some bitches need to learn some manners.

I don’t where to start on this creepy & sinister comment. It’s embarrassing to read and also very freakish. You shouldn’t tell someone that you love them unless you actually feel love for them (you may have heard love is a human emotion). The purpose of language it to express yourself. YOu don’t say something because you think “oh that’s traditional” (is this really the kind of idiocy they teach american children nowadays?), you say it because it’s what you feel. You don’t buy someone a ring because you think it’s traditional, that’s so pathetic and disturbing. You give people presents because you want to give them presents, that’s the only good reason to. And what’s with the clothing and feeding, it sounds like something you do to a kid not your partner, ok unless it’s for fetishistic purposes. I love fetishistic people but that is starting to sound like pedophilia, what is wrong with you. NOw I want to talk about tradition. To begin with, it’s not very traditional to be morbidly obese. On the other hand it is much more traditional to burn witches. I can look straight out my bedroom window and see a field where they used to burn witches in the 16th century, it’s a sad story - wonderful old eccentrics burnt to death. Thank god I wasn't alive in those days, I would be the first person they would burn for eccentricity. If you want a more american tradition, why not try hanging people of african descent from trees, it's very fun.

[Jocasta]

Beefy, are you saying Merlin wasn't real? And that's only been my name for the last few years but I'm attached to it already. My son shares his full name with his great grandfather but I had no desire to pick a family name for either of my children.
I do find genealogy fascinating not because I crave some royal lineage, just to see what and where people come from. I recommend the BBC series, Who do you think you are?

You shouldn’t tell someone that you love them unless you actually feel love for them (you know love is a human emotion).

You give people presents because you want to give them presents, that’s the only good reason to.

Indeed, the notion you "have to" give someone a ring or your declaration of love is sad and sounds frankly, odd.
What I don't get is why some men persist with this idea that all women demand that big wedding crap and that they don't get married believing they are entering into a partnership?

[Moshe..]

What I find most bizarre is the notion you often get from americans (and to be fair you also hear it from badly-schooled proleterian english-people who read the daily mail) that it's somehow traditional for men to go out to work (in whatever petite-bourgeoise profession they enjoy - oh what fun!) and for women stay at home and look after their children. It displays a stunning lack of education and historical knowledge. Everyone knows that the standard of schooling in american is astoundingly low at all levels of their society, but this is really ridiculous. Women have always worked! Throughout western history women had to go out and work, and they usually worked even harder than men -- that is, until the 20th century. It was only very wealthy women who didn't work, and they didn't look after children either, they wouldn't dream of it (they had dozens of maids). Moreover, men of the same class would work even less than women. Before the industrial revolution, a european man with any social standing whatsoever would possess landed wealth (he wouldn't dream of making money!). ANd before the industrial revolution, the vast majority of western women would spend all day working very hard outdoors farming. After the industrial revolution, they moved into factories, or worked as maids, charwomen, servant girls, nannies (for other familes). Most of the factories in england were run by women or children.

[Captain Beefheart]

HARRY POTTER WAS A WARLOCK. HE IS NOT YOUR FRIEND!

That probably doesn't have the same effect I intended if you haven't watched Jesus Camp yet. Some of the funniest s!hit I've ever seen. Imagine sum old dyke pastor getting all stone-faced and telling kids who watch Harry Potter they are sinning. Nevermind the rockstar pastor raving about homosexuals in the "megachurch" is the same guy who was caught snorting meth and having sex with a gay hooker. Classic.

I'm probably hallucinating but this is one of the few instances I agree with Moshe on ANYTHING. I've always pictured him playing Mancala and boosting his ego through arranged marriages.

I don't know if I have an official position on how surnames ought to go. I think people should do what makes them comfortable.

[Ophelia]

Stop just blaming the Americans for stupid marriage traditions. please they are everywhere.

On a sidebar ----I agree 100% with Moeshe's down with the Patriarchal Paradox sentiments!!! It puts the laundry in the wash then puts it in the basket. GEESUS, fold your own GD sheets..

[Ophelia]

Oh C'mon, Harry Potter is evil, so is Barak Obama I know because I got very informative emails from people telling me why.

Originally Posted by Captain Beefheart

I don't know if I have an official position on how surnames ought to go. I think people should do what makes them comfortable.

Perfect answer.