Can't understand Men

Cherrybomb · 06-06-2007, 11:46 AM

Hi,

Perhaps there are some guys out there who will be able to explain this to me a little better as I can't figure out this guy. We used to talk regulary, flirt, stuff like that, then a few years ago met a much younger girl (way too young). He tried to be his usual self and we would talk, but soon I realized that this new girl was insanely jealous of me. He even told me he can't interact with me the way he used to because he doesn't want to piss off his girlfriend. He says she is clingy, needy, insecure and jealous. He also says that she screams at him over stupid stuff. The final straw was when he was going to give me a card for my birthday and she yelled, screamed and complained so much they almost broke up. I never did get that card. He apologized to me and said that it's unfortunate that she's so insecure but he can't fight that battle anymore. The only thing I can figure is the sex must be pretty phenominal because he has never said anything good about her personality. I do know however that she is in love with him. What happens to guys balls after they get girlfriends? He used to be funny and we had the greatest time together, but now them he became totally lame and he just mopes around whenever I see him. Shouldn't a girlfriend make you happier? I can't believe how whipped he is. Why do so many guys put up with this crap? If she really loved him, wouldn't she trust him and respect his decistions?

**Bill5461** · 06-06-2007, 12:36 PM

Like they said in when Harry met Sally. Men can't be friends with a woman. They always want to have sex with them. The girlfriend is just trying to keep it from happening. And yes, it must be the sex. To some guys that is the most important thing.

**Plastic Flute** · 06-06-2007, 04:21 PM

Sounds like he has low self esteem. Whatever you do dont down her in front of him. Tell him dont worry about the card..I dont need a card (*stroke him ) The mere fact that you wanted to means the world. Be the bigger person

Let me teacha about a lil game called flip the coin. Always agree with his choices an than say what a great time you had doin such an such ..lie even ... Let him know the grass is greener on the other side. Soon he will be like WTF every one is having fun except me. Than make your move.

**MissyO** · 06-06-2007, 05:52 PM

Maybe they have one of those relationships where they enjoy fighting. Some people just are feudal bastards (I'll own up to this).

And he might just not be putting it on for you anymore because he doesn't want to/doesn't think he will get anything off you now. He's probably using her as an excuse.

**Jocasta** · 06-06-2007, 06:14 PM

Quote:

Can't understand Men

Neither can I, sorry! I certainly don't understand the kind of men who put up with crap from a woman they are with, just because; a) the sex is great or b) the girl is young and gorgeous.
Like was said before, it must be his low self esteem... any confident, assured man wouldn't put up with that.

Dark Dude · 06-06-2007, 09:48 PM

simple. dont treat us like chumps. dont play any silly games.

**Jocasta** · 06-07-2007, 04:05 AM

I always knew Dark Dude was a confident, assured guy. See, that's my kind of guy.

Samson The Cat · 06-07-2007, 05:25 AM

Shouldn't a girlfriend make you happier
Yes, but sometimes they don't.

Why do so many guys put up with this crap?
Must be genetically. If every guy ran away as soon as things don't go 100% according to his will, no partnership would last. I think it's the fear of deprivation. He thinks he will be worse, if they separated.

Of course not every guy is like this. Some don't care for their partners at all. But I think those are the worse guys.

The only thing I can figure is the sex must be pretty phenominal because he has never said anything good about her personality
Or maybe he just wants to keep the relationship working for other reasons. Maybe he doesn't want to fail at a relationship. Maybe he knows that she doesn't mean to be mean and feels sorry for her. Maybe he hopes she will eventually stop being jealous for no reason.

I think it's actually nice of him, that he doesn't desert her? Too bad she's abusing that.

it must be his low self esteem
Could be. It's interesting though that we're trying to locate the problem in him not in her.
"Ooh, his girlfriend is abusive, what's wrong with him? Ooh, I don't understand men, what's wrong with them?, Ooh!"

They always want to have sex with them. The girlfriend is just trying to keep it from happening.
I consider that a unjust prejudice.

I noticed something different - in people in general, male or female. That people like to becalm their conscience when they notice traits in themselves that they would normally consider inappropriate, into convincing themselves that everybody else (or at least most people) certainly have the same shortcomings. That makes these shortcomings seem normal.

**Jocasta** · 06-07-2007, 06:52 AM

Quote:

It's interesting though that we're trying to locate the problem in him not in her.

I was responding to original poster's statement, that they can't understand men. That's why my answer is swayed that way.
Point is, if these type of men didn't put up with unacceptable behaviour, these type of women would be forced to re-evaluate the way they treat their men.
Clearly she has problems if she abuses her boyfriend in that way. Does that really need saying?

**Ophelia** · 06-07-2007, 07:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MissyO

Maybe they have one of those relationships where they enjoy fighting

This is what it sounds like to me, like one of those BAD relationships that you just can't seem to let go of becasue you are a little addcited to the drama.

06-07-2007, 06:11 PM

You ever heard the urban myth that if you put a frog in a beaker and slowly raise the temperature, it'll happily stay there til its boiled alive? Well, that could be him- he puts up with a bit of crap, then a bit more, and so on til his Y chromosomes ran away, disgusted at the whole sorry spectacle. Or maybe he does like you and she can tell, so she gets jealous and he backs down, knowing shes right? ..Or maybe he's just deluded himself into thinking its all great with whatshername and he hasnt got the spine to think about his situation objectively?

In summary.. I dunno mate.

**Plastic Flute** · 06-08-2007, 03:55 PM

^ I Agree

**Gumby** · 06-10-2007, 04:22 PM

Maybe he likes making her jealous, but doesn't like her jealous behavior?

06-10-2007, 08:25 PM

Basically he's either lost his spine, or he never had one to begin with. But thats going from your interpretation, and you actually like him as more that a friend, right? Maybe you only realised this after he started seeing her, but you miiss the sexual tension even if it was just as flirting.. either get past it, or accept that that is now gone, or say something to him. From what youre saying, it seems like he'll lose a lot more than you will.

Wolf · 06-10-2007, 11:22 PM

He seems like my brother. He probably is a bit insecure himself and likes that a girl yells at him and tells him what to do... He might have not felt that way when he was younger and believes/thinks what she's doing really is love.

**Ophelia** · 06-11-2007, 10:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ForgottenSoul

and believes/thinks what she's doing really is love.

well said. I think that happens alot.

06-06-2007, 11:46 AM	#1 (permalink)
Cherrybomb Newbie Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 1 My Profile	Can't understand Men Hi, Perhaps there are some guys out there who will be able to explain this to me a little better as I can't figure out this guy. We used to talk regulary, flirt, stuff like that, then a few years ago met a much younger girl (way too young). He tried to be his usual self and we would talk, but soon I realized that this new girl was insanely jealous of me. He even told me he can't interact with me the way he used to because he doesn't want to piss off his girlfriend. He says she is clingy, needy, insecure and jealous. He also says that she screams at him over stupid stuff. The final straw was when he was going to give me a card for my birthday and she yelled, screamed and complained so much they almost broke up. I never did get that card. He apologized to me and said that it's unfortunate that she's so insecure but he can't fight that battle anymore. The only thing I can figure is the sex must be pretty phenominal because he has never said anything good about her personality. I do know however that she is in love with him. What happens to guys balls after they get girlfriends? He used to be funny and we had the greatest time together, but now them he became totally lame and he just mopes around whenever I see him. Shouldn't a girlfriend make you happier? I can't believe how whipped he is. Why do so many guys put up with this crap? If she really loved him, wouldn't she trust him and respect his decistions?

06-08-2007, 03:55 PM	#12 (permalink)
Plastic Flute ICHiBAN HoOT Join Date: May 2006 Location: New Jersey Posts: 12,848 My Profile	^ I Agree Last edited by Plastic Flute : 06-08-2007 at 03:56 PM.

06-10-2007, 08:25 PM	#14 (permalink)
He's a mentalist Posts: n/a	Basically he's either lost his spine, or he never had one to begin with. But thats going from your interpretation, and you actually like him as more that a friend, right? Maybe you only realised this after he started seeing her, but you miiss the sexual tension even if it was just as flirting.. either get past it, or accept that that is now gone, or say something to him. From what youre saying, it seems like he'll lose a lot more than you will. Last edited by He's a mentalist : 06-10-2007 at 08:49 PM.

06-10-2007, 11:22 PM	#15 (permalink)
Wolf The Elder Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 4,138 My Profile	He seems like my brother. He probably is a bit insecure himself and likes that a girl yells at him and tells him what to do... He might have not felt that way when he was younger and believes/thinks what she's doing really is love. Last edited by Wolf : 06-10-2007 at 11:23 PM.

06-06-2007, 12:36 PM	#2 (permalink)
Bill5461 Scarlett Mod Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Upstate New York Posts: 11,782 My Profile	Like they said in when Harry met Sally. Men can't be friends with a woman. They always want to have sex with them. The girlfriend is just trying to keep it from happening. And yes, it must be the sex. To some guys that is the most important thing.

06-06-2007, 04:21 PM	#3 (permalink)
Plastic Flute ICHiBAN HoOT Join Date: May 2006 Location: New Jersey Posts: 12,848 My Profile	Sounds like he has low self esteem. Whatever you do dont down her in front of him. Tell him dont worry about the card..I dont need a card (*stroke him ) The mere fact that you wanted to means the world. Be the bigger person Let me teacha about a lil game called flip the coin. Always agree with his choices an than say what a great time you had doin such an such ..lie even ... Let him know the grass is greener on the other side. Soon he will be like WTF every one is having fun except me. Than make your move.

06-06-2007, 05:52 PM	#4 (permalink)
MissyO Perennially Disgruntled Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Sydney Posts: 4,111 My Profile	Maybe they have one of those relationships where they enjoy fighting. Some people just are feudal bastards (I'll own up to this). And he might just not be putting it on for you anymore because he doesn't want to/doesn't think he will get anything off you now. He's probably using her as an excuse.

06-06-2007, 09:48 PM	#6 (permalink)
Dark Dude sla-pus a bit-chus Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: San Antonio Posts: 926 My Profile	simple. dont treat us like chumps. dont play any silly games.

06-07-2007, 04:05 AM	#7 (permalink)
Jocasta Joshtopian Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Shaftesbury Avenue Posts: 17,805 My Profile	I always knew Dark Dude was a confident, assured guy. See, that's my kind of guy.

06-07-2007, 05:25 AM	#8 (permalink)
Samson The Cat Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Thuringia Posts: 2,207 My Profile	Shouldn't a girlfriend make you happier Yes, but sometimes they don't. Why do so many guys put up with this crap? Must be genetically. If every guy ran away as soon as things don't go 100% according to his will, no partnership would last. I think it's the fear of deprivation. He thinks he will be worse, if they separated. Of course not every guy is like this. Some don't care for their partners at all. But I think those are the worse guys. The only thing I can figure is the sex must be pretty phenominal because he has never said anything good about her personality Or maybe he just wants to keep the relationship working for other reasons. Maybe he doesn't want to fail at a relationship. Maybe he knows that she doesn't mean to be mean and feels sorry for her. Maybe he hopes she will eventually stop being jealous for no reason. I think it's actually nice of him, that he doesn't desert her? Too bad she's abusing that. it must be his low self esteem Could be. It's interesting though that we're trying to locate the problem in him not in her. "Ooh, his girlfriend is abusive, what's wrong with him? Ooh, I don't understand men, what's wrong with them?, Ooh!" They always want to have sex with them. The girlfriend is just trying to keep it from happening. I consider that a unjust prejudice. I noticed something different - in people in general, male or female. That people like to becalm their conscience when they notice traits in themselves that they would normally consider inappropriate, into convincing themselves that everybody else (or at least most people) certainly have the same shortcomings. That makes these shortcomings seem normal.

06-07-2007, 06:11 PM	#11 (permalink)
He's a mentalist Posts: n/a	You ever heard the urban myth that if you put a frog in a beaker and slowly raise the temperature, it'll happily stay there til its boiled alive? Well, that could be him- he puts up with a bit of crap, then a bit more, and so on til his Y chromosomes ran away, disgusted at the whole sorry spectacle. Or maybe he does like you and she can tell, so she gets jealous and he backs down, knowing shes right? ..Or maybe he's just deluded himself into thinking its all great with whatshername and he hasnt got the spine to think about his situation objectively? In summary.. I dunno mate.

06-10-2007, 04:22 PM	#13 (permalink)
Gumby Ya Rly! Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 943 My Profile	Maybe he likes making her jealous, but doesn't like her jealous behavior?

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