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**Ophelia** · 11-26-2007, 10:39 AM

I agree with Phoenix, it does sound like a song. It's very heartfelt and sweet. I think it has potential as well, I would suggest re-writing it several times to get it to its best. No poem is ever done on the first draft. Like thess lines.

"I forget that your living in another state" "I feel like it's over when you got a boyfriend" - - They sound just like a regular sentences and not very poetic. I would try to brainstorm another way to say this in a more poetic way so that it matches the rhythm of the poem.

How sweet are you, writing poetry...*smooch* Good luck.

11-26-2007, 10:39 AM	#6 (permalink)
Ophelia JOHO Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Joshtopia Posts: 7,244 My Profile	I agree with Phoenix, it does sound like a song. It's very heartfelt and sweet. I think it has potential as well, I would suggest re-writing it several times to get it to its best. No poem is ever done on the first draft. Like thess lines. "I forget that your living in another state" "I feel like it's over when you got a boyfriend" - - They sound just like a regular sentences and not very poetic. I would try to brainstorm another way to say this in a more poetic way so that it matches the rhythm of the poem. How sweet are you, writing poetry...smooch Good luck. Last edited by Ophelia : 11-26-2007 at 10:40 AM.